After years of trying to manage chronic pain on my left shoulder that massages, painkillers, and spas would only temporarily alleviate, I finally went to see a Chiropractor in the hope she could resolve this long-standing issue. As she did her magic to realign me, she asked if I carried a handbag, was it heavy and if so, did I carry it over my right shoulder?

I laughed because, well anyone who knows me, knows that my bag is the equivalent of a Mary Poppins suitcase and contains everything anyone might ever need at a moment's notice and sure enough, I always carried it over my dominant right shoulder.

"Well, your left shoulder is working really hard to compensate for that" she said. It has been trying to realign itself for years and its over stressed. "You need to lighten the load and switch sides every once in a while, so everything is balanced."

There you have it. She somehow unintentionally summarised the whole philosophy of life and leadership in a single sentence.

You might be asking why on earth am I discussing handbags with executives at the top of their game?

I wanted to ask you, what is your equivalent of my heavy handbag?

What are you carrying that you aren't putting down?

Maybe you are so accustomed to responsibility, you don't even notice the weight of it any more.

Perhaps its pressure to be at the top of your game whilst secretly navigating a personal life full of challenges.

Just like my shoulder are you constantly managing the pain point rather than the root cause of it and can you lighten the load or change the angle you are viewing it from?

When you look at what is currently stressing you out in life or work, through this compassionate lens, you can see why the pain you are feeling might simply the part of you that is trying to realign itself, in order, to balance you out.

I have since learned to welcome these pain points that come my way because behind them lies golden data.

When we are faced with challenging moments, we often put blame on the circumstances. This is a very natural human thing to do.

• If the business was more stable, I could finally relax more
• If my team managed this better, I wouldn't have to always fix everything
• If the press left me alone, I could get better sooner

Of course, circumstances matter and there is no denying that if they improved so would your emotional wellbeing, however there is a danger in making our wellbeing dependant on circumstances. In handing over how you feel to something external, it has the power to make you feel better, but it therefore equally also has the power to make you feel bad.

Let's go back to the handbag.

Do you need to carry everything with you all the time?

When I took a good look at the contents of my handbag and the reason why it was so heavy, I discovered a very interesting fact.

It was full of things to help me with potential negative scenarios; I clearly didn't want repeated.

• A blister pack in case my shoe rubbed
• Pain tablets in case I got a headache
• A notepad and pen in case I needed to write something down
• A battery pack in case my phone died
• A red lipstick in case the shade didn't match
• Sunglasses in case the sun was out and the list went on.

Individually this is a random list but collectively it revealed a pattern.

Can you see how subliminally I was carrying evidence of everything that had once gone wrong and cleverly carried a solution for it, right there in my handbag?

Let's face it there were probably a million and one other scenarios that could have also possibly gone wrong, should I have catered for those too?

My brain was scanning the past to predict the future and in doing so, trying to help me prepare for this imagined worst-case scenario. Although on the surface this looks like I was beautifully organised, in fact, I had created a version of being in a constant stress response.

We do this emotionally all the time.

Here is exactly how it can show up in your life.

Perhaps you were criticised for getting something wrong so now all the reports have to be triple checked by you

Maybe someone let you down and now you need to be responsible for everything

Can you see the patterns?

This is a very exhausting way of living and too heavy to carry.

Are you wanting to be prepared for every possible scenario in your life or do you trust?

• Do you micromanage your team?
• Do you trust your partner?
• Do you scan your emails and texts waiting for a response?
• Do you always have to be in control
• Can you switch off on holiday?

Then ask yourself what pain is showing up because of the above?

• Is it costing you quality connection with your partner or children
• Do you have any downtime?
• Are you enjoying this amazing life you have built?

Your body will always find a way to balance you out.

It will give you all sorts of things. A headache, an illness an unsatisfied partner, even burnout

It will keep knocking until you pay attention.

Leadership requires responsibility and the stakes are often high and the truth is we can't change circumstances however we can manage how we respond to them.

You don't need to carry everything on your own.

Challenge the strategies you have in place for they may be outdated from a time you thought that was the only way.

• Lighten the handbag
• Delegate
• Take a holiday where you properly switch off
• Spend some quality time with your partner
• Put strategies in place that do the heavy lifting

Let your system re-balance to what it needs and the pain points will go away.

I really hope you enjoyed this article

It was written with love, no AI and a 6 month old kitten that keeps walking on the keyboard showing me exactly how to let go!

This Week's Executive Reflection